For the "embarrassing moment of the month" to win ladies!
So a couple months ago I discovered a place close to work that teaches Western Martial arts, aka swordfighting, yada yada. I fenced many years ago and decided it was something I would like to get back into. I’ve never been all that great at joining in group things but I go with my usual just suck it up and do it mantra.
Thing is I am always paranoid of making a bad first impression with people in places where I will be spending some amount of time. If it were a one shot deal no problem I normally don’t give a shit and so am far more comfortable. In Europe? I’d talk to almost anyone with no care, hell I’ll never see them again! But at this new place I am not only going to have to show up but end up performing in certain weaponry manner in front of other people. All kinds of potential for all kinds of humiliating experiences especially when you’re talking about me….
So the other week I leave work to go to class which is several blocks away. I make sure I look my best, always something that makes me feel more confident. I self-talk myself into the confident out going person I know I can be and off I go! It’s just a rapier class, what could possibly happen?
On this particular day there's a rain and wind warning and let me tell you they weren’t fucking kidding. But things are going fine as I walk down the streets hunched under my umbrella trying to block the wind and the rain from completely destroying my hair cuz god forbid I should get there looking Bellatrix Lestrange. Going fine until I am about half way there that is. Then mother nature decides to blow a massive gust of wind turning my umbrella inside out and hurling it with me in tow into a construction fence with a rather loud, attention drawing BANG courtesy of some big sign we had just knocked over. I curse and wrestle against the gale force winds refusing to give up on my umbrella without a fight. I still had about 5 blocks to go! But mother nature? She had a one track mind and kicked that umbrella’s ass like she was Buffy the vampire slayer on a bad day and my umbrella was some sensitive sparkly Emo vampire named Edward.
I wrestle with it the rest of the way, trying to keep as dry as possible but to no avail...the torrential downpour battering down on me is relentless. And the wind, still not satisfied with ripping my umbrella to shreds is still thirsty for that last piece of it and not letting up in the least til it gets it.
But I make it! I am at the academie standing outside but now instead struggling to get it working enough to keep me sheltered from the weather, I am struggling to close the damn thing. But all the little spines were now poking out all over the place at odd angles and so I am now fighting another battle entirely. And yes this place it ALL window looking out onto the street. My insecure self is convinced that everyone from inside is surely watching my epic struggle, the likes of even the most seasoned of the sword masters have never seen! I panic. Dear god if I can’t handle a mere umbrella how will I be able to wield a rapier?
I manage to get it kind of halfway closed but spines are still sticking out in various places, the fabric is soaked, floppy and pathetic looking and the entire thing is bent at an angle not natural for a healthy umbrella. But I admit defeat because it just ain't going to get any better than that. So now I open the door and swoosh into the academie on a gust of wind and although I don’t dare look up, my paranoid self simply KNOWS all eyes are on me. The wind has done damage to my hair the likes of only a mix master could accomplish, my face is tear stained from the wind stinging my eyes, I am sniffling from the cold, I got soggy, brightly colored fall leaves stuck in a vast array to my high heeled black boots, and I am dripping wet.
On the bright side from that point things can only get better right? Let’s hope so because I haven’t even mentioned the falcons they have there…..and if you recall certain past experiences, me and animals? Not a good mix….
4 comments:
I don't think you would end up looking like Bellatrix Lastrange.
Personally, you would need to be more pale than that.....
Falcons? Here's to things getting better! xo
most people in NYC would have tossed the sucker way earlier. Just dumped it in the garbage
They normally leave a falcon in the change room. It stares unblinking at you as you change. It's a small room too, and I've tried to judge it by looking but not sure if there's a spot out of tether range. I feel another blog post coming out of this.
As for the umbrella...I was still trying to get some coverage from the torrential rain. I figured it was a toss-up between looking wet and stupid or dry and stupid. In actuality it ended up being just stupid in general....
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