Versucks!

So I had misplaced all my journaling notes and so been holding off on posting til I found them and yay me I finally found them. So here we go…

The next morning we were off to Versailles. OMFG were we ever in for a major disappointment! If you ever think of going, don’t. Of all the dozens (hundreds?) of fountains there, you know the ones that are ALWAYS in the pictures, something that defines the gardens? NOT ONE of them were going…yep that’s what I said…none.

And the rooms? Well when we first walked up to the palace we were met with an exterior covered in scaffolding. Okay, they have to keep it all spiffy I get that. But the rooms…well, first of all they were barely furnished and omg don’t even get me started on the wainscoting. Someone actually attempted to paint it to make it look like it was marble. Fine if they had done a good job, but the quality of this faux painting would send Debbie Travis into a fit of horrified-ness that could only be imagined. Hell, I was horrified! Actually they should have gotten her to do it, at least then it would have looked real and what a show that would have made!

So think this all sounds bad now? Well hold on to your Joe Boxers it gets worse…much much worse.

Some shit for brains moron who is obviously not even equipped with enough intelligence to being donning a paper hat and asking people if they want fries with that (thanks Donnie) made the decision to have an art exhibit throughout the palace. To call it art would be an insult to black velvet Elvis painters’ everywhere. It was vile, disgusting and horrendous shit that I wouldn’t even subject someone I hate to. There’s never been anything else in my life that could come close to offending my senses as much as this complete, total and utter crap did. And yes, it was in every room throughout the palace, some even made its way outside.







Thanks guys for completely ruining what should have been a once in a lifetime, truly amazing experience. I hope you all rot in hell, deservedly surrounded by giant balloon animals, inflatable pool toys, lobsters and badly faux painted walls. Fuck you! That’s an entire day out of my life that I can never have back.

Not So Gay Paris

Next morning we were off, on the train with our bags and headed to Heathrow airport where we would catch a flight to Paris! British Airways charged us each for our second bag, the bastards, like who travels with only one bag?

Anyways we made it there and through customs and were then on the Metro that would take us into the heart of Paris and our hotel conveniently located just feet away from a station! Well…except when it’s closed due to remodeling. So after getting off at the one before we hiked some blocks up the street and made it to our hotel, a little sweaty but none the worse for wear. While Trish was in the shower I sprang out to get some drinks and snacks at the store and immediately noticed the difference between British men and French men. Me, unshowered, sweaty and yucky, glasses on, no makeup and guys in suits were even eyeing me up. Hell in England I couldn’t get a guy to look at me if my life had depended on it. Mini skirt, low cut top, all made up and having to push my way through the crowd of guys to get to the bar and seriously not one of them noticed I swear! Very weird…

We showered and got all spiffy and then were off again, this time to the Champs____, a hoity toiy strip chalk full of expensive restaurants and shopping. I eyed one menu as we walked by, 19 Euros for a Caesar salad! We definitely would be finding cheaper eats somewhere else.

The street led us to the Arc de Triumph. It’s was fairly impressive I suppse, but I was more wowed by the buildings leading up to it. All the sculptures and other detailing on the buildings themselves was truly amazing.

After snapping some pics there we headed off to the Eiffel Tower. On our way we happened to end up walking with a group of young ladies who were armed with signs. Not being THAT fluent in French I had no idea what they said, but it couldn’t have been anything that bad…no one threw paint at us or nothing.

So anyways we got there and it was pretty trippy seeing it. It was just before sunset and so by the time we took the elevator up it was dark and the lights on the tower were on. Yeah we took the elevator right to the top floor. It was a bit scary for me, the elevators are glass and you can see out. All the scaffolding going by and you think, how does that hold everything and everyone up?

We spent some time looking out over the city, all prettily lit up. It was a weird feeling being up so high, but also pretty cool cuz hey, we were on the Eiffel Tower! By the time we came down it was late and we just hoped a cab to back to the hotel. Actually the Italian joint right beside and had an awesome pizza and some wine.

Great Times!

The next morning we were up bright and early…when weren’t we? No rest for the wicked as they say….and catching a train to see yet another online friend who very graciously offered to show us around her neck of the woods AND take us to Hever Castle. I am not sure that I am allowed to mention this one by name as she likes her privacy and I totally respect that. For in saying who she is, it will kind of give away where she lives...lol...not always a good thing online.

She met us at the station near her place and we ended up scaring her a bit. See Trish and I had to pee really bad…we didn’t know there were bathrooms on the train…lol…so anyways we got off and immediately made a beeline for the ladies. Well my online friend thought we’d miss the boat and got worried. But we eventually came out and found each other! It’s was great meeting her, she’s an absolutely awesome lady all around and I can’t say enough good things about her.

So we piled in the car and she took us to see Hever Castle, Anne Boleyn’s (King Henry Vlll’s second wife) family home. I’ve always been rather obsessed with Anne ever since I was young, read everything I could ever find on her and always felt somewhat of a strange kinship with her. Btw, The Other Boleyn Girl is a crock of shyte. Anyways…

We got lost along the way to the castle though I am sure that was planned to make me fall in love with the countryside even more. It IS beautiful that’s for sure. And oddly enough, no matter how out in the middle of nowhere you may think you are, I swear there’s always a pub just around the bend. Kinda like roundabouts.

So we got there and had a quick tea and coffee and were off! The grounds were lovely with their topiaries. The castle itself is on the small side but VERY beautiful. The moment I stepped inside I wanted to cry, it just took my breath away. The guy that owned it over the last hundred years or so really kept it up well and probably didn’t change it a whole lot, avoiding the garishness that we found in Warwick Castle. The whole house was spectacular and was interesting to see the room that King Henry himself had stayed in while visiting there. Odd to be in the same room that he had once been in….

After the castle we went about the gardens. They are quite large and breathtaking as well, with a lake at the end. My online companion had packed a wonderful picnic and we sat and devoured what we could of it, it was SO delicious, though in true generous style she packed enough for ten of us. Even the ducks were coming over begging for a nibble that’s how good it was.

After that it was off to her lovely home and beautiful backyard….simply wonderful. Her hubby came home just as we got there and we had a very very wonderful evening visiting, laughing, (oh did we laugh) and partaking in a much love home cooked meal. (I’m craving that btw!...hehe) I think spending time with treasured friends beats seeing sights any day and these last few days would be my favourite of the trip.

It was hear where we picked up a well seasoned travelling companion, a teddy bear with an insatiable thirst for seeing the world. Seems this little bear’s been travelling around with the family for ages and just HAD to see France! So armed with a can of mushy peas he hitched along for the ride, with the promise of being mailed back in the end.

It was a teary farewell at the train station that night. I am SO glad to have met these two wonderful people, I had so much fun, I love them both to death! I sorely wished we could have spent more time together. Hopefully one day soon!

More dead people stuff...are you seeing a pattern?

So the next day we dropped off the car, much to Trish’s delight and hopped a bus to London. No I couldn’t convince her to drive into London…I KNOW! We had 2 drivers, one was in training and so that left the "trainer" free to be our tour guide as we drove to the station in london...he was great! After finding our hostel and washing up we were off to meet up with yet another of my internet friend, Ally. What a beautiful girl (young lady I guess I should say…lol) she is and I SO want her boots! Anyways, we met at the station near the Tower of London and headed off to there to see that.

It was okay, not as great as I would have thought. We actually got searched before we went in! Security is tight in London at all their big historical attractions I guess. It just seemed so odd to us Canadian girls. But we made it through with no arrests…whew. What the coolest part of the towers I thought was…me being the macabre sort…was all the engravings on the insides of the towers, carved there by so many of the prisoners that inhabited the place so long ago. They are supposed to be haunted and I did have a nauseous moment or two but nothing major. As my psychic friend Diane says “I think they’ve all left”…lol

They also had the ravens there and if anyone doesn’t know the myth surrounding them it’s this: the tower must always have 6 ravens in residence…any less then England shall fall. Well they have 12, I think the guy said, and all have their wings clipped which I think is totally NOT playing fair!

After that we found a great tapas place complete with cute waiters (the semi owner guy who waited on us was tons of fun!) and had some good food and of course drinks…-coughs-…we had a great time, Ally is lots of fun and has a great sense of humour.

Then we were off to the Jack the Ripper Tour which led us about the streets of the infamous darkened streets of the White Chapel District. It was awesome, interesting, fun and totally gruesome…all my favourite things! Apparently depending on whom you get as your guide you end up with a different prime suspect at the end. I would so love to do them all. But I still think the orangutan did it. (yes the resident zoo ape was at one time on the suspect list).

When that was over we all said our sad farewells and got on our respective trains and found our beds.

Next day Trish and I were off to (actually Hever Castle but now that I've finished typing this all out I've realized that I’ve so screwed up the dates so I’ll post about that next…lol) Westminster Abbey. On the way to W.A. we of course saw Big Ben which is located right there and also the parliament buildings where guards were at the gate with great big assed guns. And Big Ben? Eh…it’s just a big assed clock.

Westminster Abbey wasn’t something that I would put on my list had it been myself going, but Trish wanted to go and so we did. I was surprised by the amount of people who are buried there…holy crap! Elizabeth 1st, her half sister Mary, Mary Queen of Scots…the list goes on and on. I particularly loved poets corner, a corner of the abbey devoted to poets, writers and actors. Buried here you’ll find Chaucer (holy shit!), Robert Browning (I was very saddened to read that his loving wife is buried in Austria! Why?!), Dickens, Jane Austin, Laurence Olivier…on and on and on…they had wanted to get Shakespeare moved to here but if you remember the curse on his grave that I took a picture of, you’ll see why they probably didn’t. (Good friend, for Jesus' sake forebeare
To digg the dust enclosed heare; Bleste be the man that spares thes stones, And curst be he that moves my bones)

After that we were off to Highgate cemetery, Yay! Yeah well not so fast. It took us forever to get there and when we finally did we found out that the oldest side, the Westside can ONLY be seen on their tour that they do once a day during the week at 2pm. We were too late. –cries- We could still see the East side but it was already getting close to being the time we had to meet, yes, another internet friend, Liam! So with me totally bummed we left, hoping to catch the tour when we would be back in London after France.

So off to Piccadilly Circus we went to meet up with Liam at the huge fountain. If you’ve been there you know the one. We waited for some time, looking around at the zillions of people hanging around there wondering how the hell I was gonna pick him out. I saw someone I thought might have been him but he walked by us a couple times and didn’t react in any way to the Canadian patches on our bags….so I thought it wasn’t him. But in the end it turned out it was..lol..and so we went to, yes, a pub! Liam was really sweet and funny and nice and we had a great time. We agreed to meet up when we came to London after France.

So then it was a little shopping at a souvenir store and then off to find our beds once again. Next day would be Hever...well not really but you know what I mean...lol

No one told me I'd have to bring an extra pair of underwear...

After the Chalice Well we waved goodbye to the caring ghosts at the George and Pilgrim and were back on the road, this time to Salisbury. It wasn’t that far, so we would get there in plenty of time to pretty much do all that we wanted to do in the town; which was Stonehenge and the Salisbury Cathedral, boasting the tallest spire in England. Both of these we would do before bothering to book into the hostel.

I have to say it’s more than a bizarre feeling to be driving down the highway then all of a sudden spot Stonehenge up ahead. Seriously it’s mind blowing! After a few moments of staring mouth agape you have to shake off that stunned look and say holy shit, that’s fucking Stonehenge!

After parking we headed to the infamous stone structure and slowly walked around it, eyes taking it all in. I had a hard time assimilating the fact that I was standing before Stonehenge and as most people say it’s actually smaller than you would imagine it to be. I was glad I managed to catch a National Geographic article about it in the dentists office cuz it really made me understand it better…what it was supposed to have looked like and explained the small “trenches” that go in circles around it and all that. But all in all it was truly inspiring to imagine that something that grand was built so long ago and with stones not even native to the area.

After that we went to the cathedral where we had a tour of the tower booked. In hindsight I would wonder exactly wtf was going through my mind when I decided to do this because I am afraid of heights…lol…and if I had known exactly what the conditions of the climb would be, I might have not even attempted it. Yeah, fear of heights + climbing bell towers in the tallest spire in England = not a good thing. I wouldn’t make a great Quasimodo for certain.

So there were several stages to this climb, taking us to various levels of the tower. The first one had us go up in one of those medieval stair cases, stone, enclosed and very small. I am okay with that cuz you can’t see how high you are going but this is what Trish doesn’t like, she’s claustrophobic…so basically we took turns shitting our pants on this tour. There were about two of those staircases I think and that first one took us up to a place where we could look out over the cathedral interior. Not too bad so far but it was to get much, much much much worse.

There were two sets of these other staircases, spirally ones with not really much around them, they were very open and they went up really fricken high. I bravely started up, the floor of where we had been getting further and further below me, the emptiness of air all around me. I got partially up before that feeling kicks in, you know the one where your brain starts to scream, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT I’M UP REALLY FUCKING HIGH AND I’M GOING TO DIE.” And at the same time that is happening your body freezes up, refusing to go anywhere whether it be up or down. Your foot tries to take another step, but it’s all in vain and just sort of hangs there frozen in mid step. I start to feel lightheaded and I can hear my heart hammering away in my chest and soon a cold sweat will surely break out upon my deathly white brow. But screw that, that teeny tiny part of my brain says, the part that’s rebelling against such silliness. If I don’t do this the whole way I am going to regret it. I survived driving across the English countryside with signs that read “oncoming traffic in middle of road” and I can survive this! So forcing one foot in front of the other and breathing like I am about to give birth, I make it all the way up! Yay! Well not so fast! We get to where we were going and it’s just some old scaffolding somehow attached along the circular wall, maybe a few feet wide and probably built in 1041. Ugh….my back hugs the wall for this part. Then I find out we have another set of those staircases to do and I go through the exact same thing, worried now that I won’t be able to make it back down and will be forced to live in the bell tower forever, my only companion a hunchback and a whole lotta pigeons.

At the top we go out onto a small, very small (not even 2 feet wide) balcony that runs along the outside of the tower. I kindly allow everyone else to go first (see the first people have to move along that balcony to let the others on…not me! Ha ha!) I stayed last and kinda kept one foot in the door and tried my best to surreptitiously peer over the town. Holy shit we were up high!

Going down wasn’t much fun either but at least we got to the bells in time to hear them bong 6pm…that was loud! The whole time I can’t help but think of that joke, “I dunno but his face rings a bell!”…lol…But in the end I did it! I did the whole damn thing and I even got a pin that says so…a treasured possession I wear with pride that’s for sure. Our guide was totally awesome and I highly recommend doing this tour if you are ever in the area.

So then we went to find our hotel, a bit of a pain as the road was blocked off 2 blocks from our hostel preventing us from getting there directly. We then had to take this huge detour that got us lost…ugh. Anyways we got there checked in and were off to find food at the only pub that serves food after 6pm. Course that night their kitchen just happened to be closed for some reason…lol…but we made it to a pizza/pasta place, had a great meal and were off to bed….the next day was our trip into London!