Adventures in dating Part Three

So blogger's been a bitch and after beating into submission today I am finally able to get my backlog of posts up. Plus I am off ot Vegas for the week so you get two...two in one day!

So what is it with women? The very thought of a date and we turn into obsessive, hysterical freaks where things like waxing and plucking become matters of life and death. Men don’t go through this why should we? We spend the week before a date agonizing over what to where, (should I show off my legs or my cleavage or both?) making waxing appointments even though we KNOW he isn’t gonna get THAT far. Then there’s the buffing, moisturizing, polishing, plucking, hair appointments, manicures, facials, the abject terror over possibly getting a huge zit right on the tip of your nose…omg who has the time for dating?!

Now the guy….bet he doesn’t put much thought into it all week. Some are probably even likely to forget they have a date in the first place. He probably doesn’t even think about getting ready until about 10 minutes before he’s gotta leave. He showers, runs fingers through his hair and grabs whatever clothes happen to be clean out of his laundry basket cuz he hasn’t bothered to put them away yet. How handy is that, he thinks….

And it doesn’t even stop there. So now you’ve made it through the first date, and then the next several and all of a sudden you are heading towards that thing called ‘exclusiveness”. Obsessing then turns to the old, omg I need to go on the 'new man’s going to see me naked soon' diet. Your workouts become more like boot camps run by sadistic Nurse Ratched types, you starve yourself and deny yourself even such basics such as chocolate and potato chips. You frantically go out and begin buying up all kinds of lingerie even though you have drawers full already.

And him? Well, judging by the number of men who go about shirtless in the summertime, showing off their beer bellies and man boobs, they just might not be as obsessive as we are about their appearance. Call me crazy….but I really don’t think guys obsess over what we’re gonna think when WE see THEM naked.

Is that fair? I think not. Men have it pretty good. They show up and get this perfectly groomed woman who’s been through the bowels of hell to look as good as she does and what do we get? Yeah…it’s all a crap shoot…

Adventures in Dating Part Two

He hit me up on the dating site and we exchanged messages back and forth. He was pretty good looking, in GREAT shape (oh those arms!) and was employed, a few things that are usually near the top of every girl’s wish list. We decided to meet for drinks and I took the time to put extra effort in my appearance, looking forward to this first date and the fun I would surely have just like my friend was having. Now, albeit I WAS late, but he hadn’t explained the location of the place all that well and it took me a long time of wandering about in torturous high heeled strappy shoes before I found the damned place. But that’s okay because he apparently found a way to occupy himself…

with alcoholic beverages.

Trying not to be a total snob (and I WAS new to this thing) I decided to give him a chance. However he continued to drink steadily getting more and more drunk as the evening wore on. But in the end that was okay because he did sober up at the end of the evening…

by doing lines of coke in the bathroom.

Well I can admit defeat as much as the next guy and so made my way home. I don’t recall much else but I do recall him phoning me a day or so later. He just might have been waiting for another date to show up because once again he had obviously been imbibing in more of those time fillers. By far it was one of the most painful conversations I have ever had and having worked in bars for 17 years that’s saying a lot. Of course the topper of this particular conversation was me having to listen to him proceed to puke his brains out without the courtesy of either hanging up on me or at least covering the mouth piece on his phone. But I suppose when your body starts rejecting the contents of your stomach, who thinks of silly little etiquette details? But that’s okay because I took the initiative and hung up on him.

Not a good start to the online dating scene, but undeterred, I was ready to move on and try again. Stay tuned for the drooler.