Is that truely the shape of your codpiece or are you just happy to see me?

Break out the Allsorts Wade this ones for you!

We arrived in Glastonbury without issue from what I remember...lol, the road we had been on took us right into the town as seems to be the norm in England. Glastonbury calls itself the land of King Arthur, Camelot, and Isle of Avalon and all that. It's supposed to be a very magical place and rightly so as there are a lot of magnetic fields that come together there apparently. As we turned on the road we were on the inn, The George and Pilgrim came into view, unmistakable, distinctive, looking ever as much the oldest (700 years old) and most haunted inn in England that it is. Yes, it looked appropriately creepy. In fact King Henry VIII stayed here at least once, supposedly watching from the window of his room the nearby abbey burn under his orders when he was attempting to rid England of Catholicism. I tried to book that particular room but it was already booked so I requested a room in the old part of the inn...I had some ghost chasing to do. But a mistake was made and I didn't even get that -growl- but even though our room was in the addition it was only a few steps from the old part so I sucked it up...what can ya do?

Two of the inn's resident ghosts are a monk and his lady lover. Seems that there was an undergroud tunnel that linked the inn with the abbey and was probably well used by the love struck monk. Rumour has it they are often seen wandering the halls together at night, time and death not enough to seperate the lovers.

We checked in and then scooted off to the Glastonbury Abbey. It's an impressive ruin of what once must have been an incredible Cathedral and abbey. Add to Henry's part in it's distruction the common practice of taking bricks from buildings no longer in use to build new ones, most of it's gone only skeletal remains are left, but even those have a sense of beauty as well.

We wandered about and a really nice gentleman in an kick ass costume complete with the most interesting codpice I've ever seen...lol...spent some time with us, explaining the sight and history of the place. King Arthur was at one time buried here but supposedly moved but to where no one really knows for sure. But really, the whole time he regaled us with tales of yore, my eyes invariably continued to wander back to his codpiece, it was so wierd! I regret not asking if I could take a picture of it, it's not like me to be so shy...lol

Then we were off to Glastonbury Tor , a bizarre hill with a lone tower on top. The hill is rumoured to have been the Isle of Avaon back in the day and there are lots of interesting tales surrounding it, such as it's the home of Gwyn ap Nudd, King of the Fairies.

It was a nice sunny day and we trudged up the hill taking in the views around us, even laying down on the grass for a bit to soak up some fairy. Nothing overtly strange happened but I did feel a pleasant sense of energy, my body felt as it was humming with vibracy, comfortable, free from all discomfort and pain.

After the Tor we went back to the hotel and had an amazing dinner in the pub there, then wandered back to our room and washed up. After settling down, Trish went to bed and I, armed with my camera, went to wander the haunted halls of the inn. The first thing I noticed when stepping out into the hall was the very strong scent of incense that hadn't been there before. I walked about snapping pics as I went. A strange shadow showed up in one pic where there shouldn't have been a shadow especially since I was using a flash and nothing was obstructing it. I snapped another in the same spot and this time no shadow hmmmm. will have to look at the pics when I get them uploaded. I made my way back to the room and to sleep, but I did wake up a lot throughout the night. Trish said she heard banging every so often that woke her up so maybe it was that waking me up. Each time I did wake up I peered about the room, searching for a ghostly spectre floating about but no such luck. Trish saw nothing but she kept her eyes tightly shut...lol. The only other odd thing I can report is on one of the occasions of me waking up I had the sense that someone was bending over me and I felt a very strong feeling of being loved and cared for...not something you'd expect in a haunted inn...lol...so that was it....

The Creaky Cauldron was nefariously creepier. As we had walked around that building I felt what I called being "dogged"....as if someone was following behind me, extremely closely, like if they were tangible I could feel them pressed up against me. That does happen to me on occasion. In hindsight I guess I should have had Trish snap a pic of me and see if anyone showed up in it standing behind me. I mentioned this to the guy that did our ghost tour and he explained the hauntings in the building...a man who murdered a women Jack the Ripper style that was witnessed by her young daughter. He had fled but came back to the inn sometime later and threatened the little girl but she died falling down the stairs in her attempt to get away from him. He was actually found guilty of her murder and sentenced to hang and right before hanging he did confess to the women's murder. They are all three supposedly haunting the building to this day.

The next day we were off to the Chalise Well Gardens, located at the foot of the Tor it's here where you can partake of the magical healing water that springs up from underneath the hill. they had little pools of it that you can bath in and also various places to drink from. There were various people wandering around, mostly all over the top new age types who like to walk around in zombie like states or sit at one of the wells and gaze into it with a wide eyed, vacuous stare. One couple were sitting on a bench, one set of hands clasped while the other set pressed up against each other hearts while they gazed unblinking into each other's eyes. -gag- I drank the water and it tasted a lot like...well blood to be exact and I am hoping that was the high iron content and not due to some of these freaks having sacrificed goats only that morning. Hoping to cure my recent injuries I even tested this healing theory by rubbing some on my ass.

Why rub some on my ass you ask? Guess I forgot that little ditty from Stratford. The hostel there has these single units that have the shower toilet and teeny tiny sink all in one. so the floor is wet and the bottom of my shoes get wet and I slip on the four steps heading down to our room. In notorious Bonnie fashion I go down like a ton of bricks. I then developed the biggest darkest black and purple bruise on my ass and at step length intervals down my thigh. (A few days later I walk into the corner of the foot board of the bed while going pee in the middle of the night and get a huge bruise on the front of my thigh, same leg...in hindsight I shouldn't have bothered packing the miniskirt) After about two weeks I started debating seeing a doctor cuz the thing was NOT yet beginning to fade, could a bruise be deadly? At the very least gangreous? Is gangreous even a word?

But I digress. Back at the well I rubbed some water on my ass and not a damn thing happened...no spontaneous healing, no bright lights, no angels not even the sounds of a heavenly choir. I did mange to hold myself back, though I was tempted to break the serenity of the garden and scream at all those new age suckers, "My ass?! What about my ass?! You fools! Get away from the water...it's all a hoax!"

FINE!

sheesh....cliffhanger ending? Hardly. It's not as if I left off where we'd been tied to a table that was slowly, yet terrifyingly moving us towards a rabidly turning, freshly sharpened saw...with a guy standing off to the side, a sneer painting his lips as he wickedly twirled his handle-bar moustache. Plus I SO hate typing on these French keyboards...the keys are seriously all not where they should be. See they allow for shit like é à ù £ ¤. I mean really wtf is ¤? They actually have to have a second alt ctrl button for all this extra stuff.

Moving right along...Creaky Cauldron is a place that sells spells, potions and other such 'witchy' things, ya know, things right up my alley. They also seem to have gotten on the Harry Potter bang wagon and have some of that HP-ish stuff there. Trish and I got Salted if that's how you spell it. Yes, talking hat and all. I am the same thing as HP and Trish is a slitherin. As if...I think the hat was on crack...

It's in an old house once owned by the Bombay family, a family with more wierdness than you can imagine. I thought it must be a bunch of hooey but the guy running the tour later that night says it's not. Who knows, I may have to look into it. Anyways the house that it's in has a witch and wizard museum upstairs and is also haunted, so of course we went up...lol. It was creepy and had a lot of interesting stuff to read up there but we really didn't have the time which was a bummer for me. Trish didn't like being up there and when we came back later for the tour there was an option to go back into the house but she didn't wanna. So we walked about the city with the guide...we were the only ones again. He was really really awesome and had some great stories and also told us a lot about the history of the city as we walked about. He also told us how the Shakespeare attraction people made up a story for that TV show Most Haunted and they actually filmed a segment about it and the idoit psychic guy 'felt' what they had lied about...LOL...suckers...anyways it was great but nothing dramatic happened. I've been slightly dissappointed on this trip actually...lol...I had figured I would be bothered all the time but I get more activity in my apartment at home. sheesh

So after that we went to...you guessed it...a pub and then it was home to get some sleep before our drive to Glastonbury the next morning.

Happy now?

Though I could leave you with another cliff hanger and tell you that the hotel where we would be staying in Glastonbury is the most haunted in England...

mwah ah ah ah ahhhhhhhhhh

Bath

The drive to Bath was pretty easy, and the country-side around Stratford is so beautiful I feel it to my bones. The trees are "puffy"...they are so big and full and look so soft in texture. We didnt like the narrow country roads for driving, they are so narrow and other drivers go so fast, but they really are lovely.

We got into Bath and were both surprised to find that the city was so big. I dunno why we were expecting smaller. Anyways we found that our previous two days luck had most definately run out and we found ourselves horribly lost in the thick of Bath. I rang the hostel from my cell phone for assistance but she was at a loss as well, admitting that she never drove. But she made an attempt to help and got a map and tried to figure out where we were. The ensuing conversation went like this...

"Youve missed the turnoff to Bathwick Hill."

"I didnt see any signs for Bathwick Hill."

"Oh thats because there arent any."

Yes I was struck virtually speechless because wtf can you really say to that? She also went on to explain that because Bath is an historic city they arent allowed to put up signs for the hostel. Uuummm yeah well thats great. So to see a sign for the hostel we would pretty much need to actually make it to the hostel when at that point we really wouldnt need a sign anymore. Gah! So an hour and a hlaf later and with the help of a really nice restaurant owner we made it to the hostel. We were pretty bitchy and even more so when we found out it was too early to check in and had been looking forward to washing up. I had just crawled outta bed that morning and needed so,e buffing up. Oh well we managed with the public restroom and were on our way.

First we did the hop on hop off bus and toured about the city...these are great for ahen you don't have a lot of time and want to see the key spots of the city. We then went to the Roman baths. They have Roman ruins under a lot of the city here as well and have unearthed as much as possible. They had crypts, the sweat bath, tomb markers and various other things. But the baths themselves are all pretty much there for the looking and were really incredible.

Next was the Jane Austen centre which was pretty cool if you are a fan...so not a guy thing. Jane lived in Bath for a time and the city is mentioned in a lot of her books. She never really liked Bath, it felt too enclosed for her and I quite agree. Though the buildings are beautiful they are all large and the streets narrow and so they just feel too imposing. We just didn't like Bath at all.

After tea at Sally Lunn's, the oldest building in Bath and famous for her buns we made our way back to the hostel. It was then we noticed that the fog light was on, on the back of the car. Well we couldn't for the life of us get it off. This added to the stress of the day unfortunately. Trish was worried about it not starting in the morning. But I said if it doesn't, we get a boost, no biggie really and so not worth stressing about. It would turn out that the light stayed on the whole time with it not sucking the life out of the car and so that was that. I dunno, maybe a new car glitch? I did tell you that they gave us a brand new off the lot car didn't I?

-snorts-

Next day we were back to Stratford, the reason being that we had a tour booked and had to go back. Also we still hadnt seen any of the Shakespeare shit in town. So we did the drive back, made it there fine and were once again off sightseeing. Shakespeare's birthplace which you find out if a replica and not really his birthplace only AFTER you pay the 9 pounds to get in. Then we went to the church to see his grave and then to Anne Hatthaway's cottage. It was pouring rain for most of the day but we dealt with it. We had to wait outside the church for a while as there was a wedding going on. Pour bride shoulda wore Wellies...lol

Later we did a ghost tour and oh, I forgot to tell you about the Creaky Cauldron, but I am off to bed...night!

Castles and ruins and abbeys oh my...

This may be short and sweet due to the fact that French keyboards are fucked. Letters and other stuff are all in different places. But being a look and peck typist just may pay off here…lol

So our first day in Stratford found us heading out to Warwick Castle.It’s a beautiful castle and even has a trebuchet. (for sister purposes think Northern Exposure and that thing that Chris built…the “fling”) Inside the castle was somewhat disappointing as it wasn’t very ‘medievally’. But it was alright and we even climbed the stairs all the way up to the towers.

Our drive there wasn’t too bad. We did end up losing our way, but we just kept driving around and then just happened to eventually fluke our way to it…lol..go figure.

The next night found us heading out to Kenilworth Castle (castle ruins) and to Stoneleigh Abbey. The original plan was to catch the 11 am tour at Stoneleigh then head to Kenilworth, but once again we lost our way…lol. And again we continued to drive around and this time fluked our way to Kenilworth. Not quite the plan but hey a bird in the hand…!

Kenilworth is a castle ruin, once occupied by Elizabeth the first’s favourite, Robert Dudley. He had renovated to make the main part fit to impress Elizabeth and it’s a shame that it was left to ruin but a spectacular ruin it is! Got lots of pics…it was wonderful.

From there we went to Stoneleigh. Once known as Stone Lay it HAD at one time just been an abbey. Now they main part of the abbey is still there (well the gatehouse anyways) and split into about 4 residences. Along with this there is a huge mansion built by the Leigh family alongside it, built in 1558. Oddly enough we found that we had really lucked out cuz the fact that we were lost earlier meant we could only get the last tour and we ended up being the only ones on the tour! She asked what our interests were and she tailored made the tour for us….medieval stuff and of course Jane Austin who despite only spending 2 weeks there, descriptions of the house and grounds and even relatives names taken from the many portraits on the walls and their personal stories influenced her books heavily. The house and grounds were breathtaking I cannot say how much. It was no wonder her short stay influenced her so much.

One other lucky thing was that twice a month one of the people who are in residence in the old abbey allow the tours to enter his home and this day was one of those…lol…Imagine a home inside an old abbey with it’s stone arched ceilings and stone walls, and huge columns about. When I walked in I swear I wanted to cry at the site…I would die to live there!

We walked bout the grounds and through the woods a bit to a small pet cemetery tucked away in there. On the way we saw a big red fox…he was gorgeous. The cemetery was cute, snaps some shots and we made our way back to town.

The next day had us off to Bath…..

the adventure continues...

So I left off at us going to Birmingham then on to Stratford. I forgot to mention one weird thing we did in Chester though. See, everything closes around 6pm except the pubs and bars of course. We didn't feel like hanging out in the pub all night (I know...shocker!) or the hostel and so we went to see a movie...lol...but at least it was semi appropriate. We saw the Dutchess period drama set in England and based on the real life story of The Dutchess of such and such. In the words of Emma Thompson my brains has been replaced by soft turnip and I cannot think nor do I want to anymore than I have to right now. The movie was actually rather depressing and left us feeling blah.

Also the bus to Birmingham was yucky, it stunk to high heaven literally...why I do NOT want to know. I could complain but am not gonna cuz I think that the fact that there were no beheadings was a huge plus!

So we managed to get to Stratford in one piece, after finally getting out of Birmingham. I have to say that the signage really sucks ass. As I said before if the arrow looks like it's pointing left they may very well mean to go straight. I particularily loved it when the locals told us to go 'straight' thru the roundabout...hmm..okay...lol...Another thing we discovered is that street names and motorway numbers can and will change in the middle of nowhere with no rhymn nor reason. I swear...it's some sort of conspiracy! I just know it...

The very narrow roads didn't do much for our confidence either. But we settled into a routine of me calling out 'curb!' every so often. I avoided looking at the sides of the tires on the left hand side of the car...lol...naw I don't think it was bad at all. And we actually saw a sign while driving that said, 'Oncoming traffic in middle of road'. To this I can only say no fucking shit! For the most part it went well. I am sure that in time the blisters on Trish's hands from her death grip on the wheel will heal, and my butt will relax out of it's puckered state.

We had our own room at the hostel in Stratford which was in an old Georgian mansion. It was a great hostel, free breakfast in the mornings which we took advantage of. When we got checked in, settled in and freshened up we headed to the Dirty Duck Pub where we proceeded to drink more than a little. It was a really nice pub that gets busy after the plays are over as that's where the actors like to hang. We shared a meat pie that was fab and in the morning I realized that we never paid for it. You see there's really no table service over here in pubs so you go to the bar and serve yourself. But at this particular place there was a guy that took our food order but I still had to go to the bar to get the drinks. So he forgot to bill us and we forgot as well. He even called us a cab and so knew we were leaving. Or maybe we just blinded him with our stunning beauty and witty charm and he got confused...yeah that's it.

Well I am off to bed...seems here in London we are sharing a room with not one, but 5 Asian Disney Princesses...

Chester

alright so I left off at Chester...seems so long ago already...lol

Chester was awesome, it's probably one of the most unique cities in the world. It's built on the ruins of a Roman city that was built 2000 years ago. They had built a wall around their city that remains to this day and is the most complete Roman wall of anywhere in the world. Some of you might have seen the Roodee on TV, it's the horse race track that's faily famous there. If I could upload my pics you could see it...lol...but anyways the waters used to cover that racetrack and the Roman could sail their ships right up to the walls of the city. The people of the Medieval times ended up building ontop of the roman ruins and also added here and there to the walls, also adding various watch towers to guard the city. Our awesome tour guide had keys to take us up in the towers and it was pretty cool. Chester is famous for it's 'rows' and you can see a pic of them here. They built 'storage' for their goods on the bottom, then eventually added shop front on top, then eventually added their homes on top of that...THEN eventually extending them out, creating a kind of a covered second floor to walk through. Over the years people changed the looks of the fronts to reflect the styles of the times, so you have an eclectic mix of Medieval, Georgian, Victorian and even modern styles. In lots of them you can see glassed parts where you can glimpse old Roman columns and old medieval building structures, crypts and all kinds of stuff from the past that they are kind enough to display. To add to the ambiance, the streets are cobblestoned, and very uneven, watch where you're walking...lol

Chester gets nutso at nighttime, with the younger people flooding in to party. It wasn't all that balmy yet there were hordes of young women dressed very skimpily. I actually have never seen so many tartly dressed women in one place ever. We're talking 8 inch heels, mini mini skirts, skanky tops...you name it. Very trashy...us classy broads felt right out of place ya know.

Anyways later that night we did a very disappointing ghost tour....sadly the guide wasn't very enaging and told the stories with an attitude of 'this is the story but it's probably not true'...not very fricken scary...lol. And he was the one that created the tours!

Anwyays the next day we roamed around the city. One stop was Chester Cathedral and I dunno how to explain just how breathtaking it was! We were blown away. It was huge and there was even a choir singing to add to the ambiance there. Wish I could show you pictures...lol..We also saw the ruins of the original cathedral and also went back to the Roman Amphitheatre that we had gone to the night before on the ghost tour. I felt rather lightheaded and nauseous there, but lots of gory things went on there and it must have a lot of bad energy. Apparently they only discovered it several years ago...there used to be houses built on top of it. They have been slowly excavating it and have found lots of things including hacked off fingers and other body parts...lol...how entertained the Romans must have been...like their own real live version of horror movies.

Our hostel was in an old house and it was really nice until you starting going up to the top floor where our room was. It was kind of creepy up there. The toilets were in the hall and we hating getting up in the middle of the night to go pee. I think we set new records for speed peeing.

Oh I should say that one morning we were very English and had tea and crumpets for breakfast. It was the most incredible tea we've ever had and the crumpets were warm and literally dripping with butter...yummmm! We were full for the next 6 hours I think...lol

Next day we caught the bus to Birmingham to get our rental car. We found out why people cringed when they asked us where we were going after Chester, then proceded to ask why the hell we were going there. I dunno why every bus depot in every city is always in the crappiest part of the city. It was dirty, run down and just gross. The roads was bumper to bumper traffic and the streets were teaming with people. And I don't mean to come across as racist but I kid you not, there was not one white person to be seen. Looking around I felt like I was in some middle eastern country. So we got our car and got the hell out of there. We got a little lost getting out of town because "just get out on that road and stay on it and it goes straight into Stratford" isn't as straight forward as it sounds. Trust me on that one! But a kind lady in a park somewhere helped us and we managed to get to our next hostel with very little trouble. Trish was nervous driving, but after a few days she got the attitude of "taking back the road" and got much braver....lol

Now I am beyond tired and going to bed. We are in Bath now and heading back to Stratford first thing in the morning...don't ask....lol

Things I've Learned so Far....

1) they got WAY too many traffic circles
2) they eat beans on toast for breakfast...talk about 'fuelling up'
3) when you see a street sign that seems to be pointing to go left, they might very well mean to go straight...or visa versa
4) they got WAY too many traffic circles
5) most pubs don't serve food after 6 pm
6) you have to know what your table number is when going up to order food
7) they got WAY to many traffic circles
8) no one gives a shit where you are from
9) in a 20 minute drive you feel as though you've completely turned around a good 20 times because....they got WAY to many traffic circles
10) if you take a wrong turn at some point there'll be a ...yes you guessed it...a traffic circle to turn you around again
11) the hot and cold water taps are ALWAYS seperate so you can either have your choice of freezing or piping hot water...no in between
12) men sucks as bad here as they do at home
13) it's impossible to get a suntan here
14) we shoulda rented a boat not a car
15) they got a hellovalotta sheep
16) they got WAY to many traffic circles

Jet Lag and the Green Apple Quick Step

I was hoping to blog in Chester but our hostel had no comp, unlike Manchester did. I guess internet access to them meant B.Y.O.C. Now I am way behind! Bad news for now is that on this comp I am unable to upload my pictures onto my online album. Hopefully I can remedy this soon!

Anyways the flight to London was long but not as horrendously torturous as I had anticipated, despite the woman sitting beside me who elbowed me inconsiderately and continuously throughout the flight...not even taking care when I was obviously asleep. I am sure there's a special kind of hell awaiting her somewhere. Least I can hope.

But the free booze certainly helped as did the first inflight movie, Iron Man! Choice! Though I fell asleep in the last 5 minuets of it...:(

We had a 3 hour stopover in London Heathrow and spent half that time travelling to the other terminal (holy shit big airport!) and waiting in line at customs. The other half was having a 4:30 PM "breakfast".

The flight to Manchester was nice, got to see some of the English countryside. Much like Saskatchewan except the farm plots aren't as perfectly square, there's a hellovalotta sheep and way more trees...and greener too. Okay well maybe not that much alike...lol...I have pictures but you'll have to wait...meh. We got in about 6 PM England time and were glad to have gotten a hotel within staggering distance of the terminal, as expensive as it was. The whole crap with the airlines ended up getting us there a day early and the hostel had already been booked up. After settling in, drinks at the lounge complete with an order of nachos (consisting of, I swear to god, all of 12 chips wtf??)and washing up we were in bed and asleep by midnight and slept for the next 10 hours...lol

Twe were on our way to Manchester YHA Hostel. Luckily we really didn't have much planned for that day because besides the torrential downpour outside I was plagued by some horrible stomach ailment. So we whiled away the day at the hostel, they had a cafe, bar, computers, which from hindsight I shoulda posted from. That evening we made our way to Lass O'Gowries Pub...(I needed to replenish my fluids...-w-) My online friend Marcus was supposed to have met up with us but jammed out, pleading a long day. I had battled 14 hours of travelling, being elbowed to near death, jet lag, and a mysterious stomach virus yet I dragged my ass to the pub. Ugh...men! Sure I was angry and probably even hurt but what can ya do? We ended up having a great time with some 'blokes'. They teased us about Canada and called hockey players girly-men...we had a lot of defending to do!

Our hostel was shared by 2 other girls, a German and an Asian, the latter being a petite, extremely cute girl with Mickey Mouse baggage. She was one of those ones that you can say anything to and they'll just smile, giggle and nod and say 'yes'. We could have really fucked with her...haha...the next morning her alrm went off, playing this cute music and she literally sat up, and did one of those disney princess moves, ya know where they do that stretch and smile ever so sernely and prettily and say in that sing song voice 'good morning'. I was fully expecting birds and squirrels to appear out of nowhere to lift the covers off of her and bring her her robe. Meanwhile my own hair is all over, I look at tired and ill and basically like shit and my voice sounds like Marge Simpson's as I answer her back....frightening any animated birds and squirrels away.

The next morning we were up and off to Chester by bus. They dropped us off at the visitors centre and after collecting various pamphlets inquired how to get a bus to our hostel. The guy insisted that by the time we walked to catch a bus we could be at the hostel. Yeah right. We hoofed it blocks and block with our packs and arrived hot and dripping with sweat. But you can't stop us, we washed up and were off once again, to our Secret Chester walking tour and later that night, the Ghost tour.

But enough for now. I can hear the Black Swan pub (affectionately known as the Dirty Duck) calling my name...