Adventures in Dating Part One

“People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates - hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar.” Carrie, Sex in the City

So it’s been a while…actually a very long time…okay FINE it’s been a very VERY long time since I went on a date or even considered going on one. Sure it was a rough road for me a few years back with life continuing to bitch slap me around for a good year or so. Then, what with all that reinventing of myself, who had the time to even consider starting something up? And then when life got good again and I was back on my two feet better than ever, I found I was quite happy to be on my own. As they say, “if you can’t make yourself happy then you can’t expect anyone else to make you happy”, right? I am not one to “pine” for a boyfriend, or actively search in rapid desperation, feeling like I will surely shrivel up and die if I go more than one month of singleness. Sure there’s that fear of dying, alone in my apartment with no one knowing about it until the smell of my decomposing corpse permeates the hallways and the neighbours realize that this time it’s NOT the smell of the Thai people’s cooking downstairs. Sure it sucks when your ceiling fan goes tits up, you have blinds to hang, or a wall in your apartment you want taken out but, for as independent as I am, there are things that are too far into the realm of manliness for me to want to tackle. Or maybe I’m just lazy that way…

Of course then there was the overriding thought of, “I can’t imagine there is a guy out there with whom I want to deal with on a daily basis.”

Seriously….but lets not rush things and get into cohabitating yet…I haven’t even been on a date in years.

My last forays into the dating world were less then fulfilling, but I live the type of life where if something weird, bizarre or even hilarious is gonna happen it’ll happen to me. (ie: almost getting eaten by a 120 pound wolf, almost blinding myself with a pilates band, the uncanny ability to end up with stinging insects inside my clothing, causing me to rip said clothing off my body as I screech in a mixture of pain, panic and horror, much to the delight of the guys I was with at the time…you get the picture…) And I am okay with that, at least you wind up with a few funny stories to entertain people with.

I guess it was about 4 and a half years back I decided to join a dating site. A friend belonged to one and she happily regaled me with what a great time she was having going on all these dates. You see all these other people doing it and having these great dates and some even end up blissfully happy. I figured if it worked for them why not me?

Well stay tuned for the drooler, the drunkard and the guy who apparently hasn't seen utensils before, plus many more tales of the bizarre and unexplainable!

Things I’ve learned in the last 2 months

I suck at Guitar Hero (and the song I sing best is the one I hate the most – Hotel California)

Things even out (money saved for Vegas trip=$400 – cost of most recent vet bill=$411)

Joining Facebook hoping to get in touch with old friends may not be such a good idea after all (cue high pitched screechy violin horror movie music)

I know the lyrics to an alarming number of 80’s hairband songs

Assignment due for school=a clean apartment (apparently the procrastination factor works in favour of cleanliness here…go figure I finally found my motivation)

Having a hot sex dream about Clive Owen makes the following day that much better

And last but not least…I still hate school…

Hero tested and approved!

So anyone that knows me knows of my “feelings” towards children. Not that I dislike children, I mean I do choose to volunteer my time at a children’s hospice. It’s just all those times like when you’ve been in a store or on the street and you encounter that mother and their child nearby and the child has that whiney drama queen moment or that extremely high pitched temper tantrum that threatens to crack your contact lenses? Yeah those moments…well I can’t BEGIN to tell you how many times over the years my tubes have tried to tie themselves ….

So the big irony of my workplace is this. I work on the 4th floor of a 5 story building. On the top floor is a daycare. Apparently, and I was told in no uncertain terms, that it’s my responsibility (as well as others on my floor) that when there’s a fire alarm I have to go against my natural instincts that tell me to flee the building screaming like a sissy girl and actually go UP the stairs and grab a kid and carry them to safety. Yeah me…the person who has chosen NOT to have children has to risk their life in order to save someone else’s spawn.

One day I was actually trying to rationalize this in my head when my supervisor asked me if I could really, in good conscious, just leave the building and thus the children behind. Moments ticked by in silence as I struggled with what to say and I soon realize that the people around me were staring at me horrified that I had not yet answered such a fundamental question. Okay so now this isn’t to say that I am THAT cold hearted. I was just pondering that fact that on a day to day basis I, who has NO children of her own, honestly do not think about other people’s children. I just don’t. And then I wondered that if a time like that should arrive, and amidst the panic and terror of imminent death, would I really instinctively think about these children of others?

So it would just happen that the other week after I had finally gotten my butt down to the gym (3dr floor) after procrastinating for most of the day, that the fire alarm went off. It was a Friday and almost 4:30 in the afternoon by then. I had just begun to work up a sweat when the fire alarm went off. Cursing I grabbed up my water bottle thinking how it figured that I finally get my ass to the gym and the fire alarm goes off. As I made my way to the door it clicked in my head. OMG the children! It’s 4:30 on a Friday and most people are gone by then! In a panic I race around the building but because of security I can’t get up to the 5th floor. I make my way outside and see one of the maintenance guys who’s got a key for everything. I explained to him the situation and we run up to the 5th floor and see the children all gathered around ready to be delivered to safety. Luckily there happened to be enough people left on my floor and who, in good conscience, came up to scoop all the kids up.

So in the end I wasn’t needed but I have to admit that I was pretty proud of myself for actually thinking about the kids when that ‘emergency’ actually became a reality.

By the way it turned out that the reason the fire alarm had gone off is cuz someone on a Bosa ball lost their balance and hit the fire alarm. Yeah......thanks for that, I really liked standing outside for an hour in wintertime in my t-shirt and shorts just after getting a good sweat on. –thumbs up-