Beware of cannibalism and false mountings...

As you may know I live in a very multicultural city. This can be really neat at times, or frustrating or irritating or it can also be a vast source of amusement. Take for instance the language barriers and things like trying to explain to 3 Asian girls on the bus what "oopsy daisy" means. Hell I don’t even know if that’s the way to spell it. And I have to admire someone who comes to a foreign country and opens a business. You either have to be very brave or utterly clueless, I am not sure which. Maybe a little of both.

Now there’s this nice Asian guy who owns a counter at the food court across the street from work. It’s a Mexican/sandwich place cuz god knows people from other countries can hardly ever stick with just one thing. There’s a Filipino place near me called appropriately enough Fiesta Filipino! It’s a grocery store/video rental/hair and nail salon. (they sell fish flavoured potato chips because who doesn’t ever crave the taste of fish during late night snacking time? Or when you are PMSing…oh yeah fuck chocolate, it’s fish all the way baby!) So anyway, back to the guy across from work. He makes party trays of sandwiches which works well for us since we often have a lot of meetings and such. So one time one of the girls got his business card. It actually said, underneath the name of the business, “homemade soups and FLESH sandwiches”. I am trying to figure out if the guy who printed them was also Asian and had no idea, or if he knew but simply snickered when the order was placed, rationalizing that he’s giving him exactly what he asked for. I am wondering if he found a sharp drop in business after he started handing those puppies out?

The other day we all got pedometers at work. (made it China of course cuz what isn’t?) It didn’t take long for someone to point out the instructions that were on a small piece of paper that came along with them.

“Mounting: Attach device securely to your waistband or belt, close to the center of your body. False mounting will possibly arouse inaccurate results.”

Yes that’s exactly what it says word for word. At this point I am looking for the button that sets the thing to vibrating and wondering how on earth you can mount something so small. Or maybe if I read further down the instructions there will be a website from where I can order all sorts of erotic attachments. Walking could never be the same again!

All that got me to remembering this little news story from way back, yes ladies, remember those Passion Pants?

click here for Passion Pants

I won’t be blogging again til next week. My friend is coming in town to visit, so we can plan, plan, and plan for our trip. Drinking profusely WILL be in there somewhere I am quite certain. We’ll need something to wash those fish flavoured chips down…..

Trip Planning Trial and Tribulations

So being the anal perfectionist that I am, I have been diligently planning our trip to England and France which is to happen for three weeks in September. Everything is pretty planned out and hopefully things will all go smoothly, though there’s still lots to be done and with it being less than three months away I am beginning to feel stressed. There still so much to do!

Now there have been some glitches in the planning process that have had me pulling out my hair in frustration. One is that apparently the British people don’t really believe in addresses. For instance the address for the bus station in Stratford-upon-Avon, is “Riverside bus station”. Yep that’s it, that’s all you get. Try looking that up on google maps!

Another is getting into Glastonbury. Our bus doesn’t go there, why I have no idea. I have emailed the bus guys a few times about this and each time they give me an answer that really has nothing to do with what I asked, or it’s so obscure it makes no sense whatsoever. I did note that in all instances it was a male that emailed me back. Coincidence? I think not. I think that’s a well established fact that men will never ask for directions. So of course it would stand to reason that they wouldn’t know how to answer a question ABOUT directions. Where’s a woman when you need one? Anyways, the bus does go to a town close by, where you can catch a regular bus into Glastonbury. Sounds okay right? Not so fast. The National Express bus gets in there AFTER the last bus for Glastonbury leaves for the night. At this point I think I was alternating between screaming and moaning, whilst pulling my hair and eerily rocking back and forth in my chair.

And another glitch since I am on a roll….after some perusing around a site I found that one of the tours we wanted to go on is already sold out for the days that we are going to be there. In a panic I booked one of the other tours we wanted to go to in this town though there was only one night left and it screws up our schedule. So I spent the next few hours staring at our schedule like a deer caught in the headlights trying to figure out how we are going to work this out. In the end we discussed renting a car for this leg of the trip.

Now I don’t own a car and I can’t remember the last time that I drove. So that’s a small issue right there. But on the one hand I think, steering wheel on the other side of the car, driving on the left hand side of the road…shouldn’t be a big deal right? It’s just driving. On the other hand I am afraid that some part of my brain will be listening to my puckered ass and screaming, “YOU’RE DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD YOU FUCKING MORON!” In the end Trish said she’ll drive, as she drives all the time anyways,(just not with the steering wheel in the wrong place nor on the wrong side of the road, but who’s keeping track?) Another plus is I am an excellent navigator, so we’ll make a good team and there should be nothing to worry about right?

Well not so fast, maybe there is! I bought a “French for Travelers” CD complete with a follow along book to learn some French for fun, since we are going to be spending some time there. Now curiously in one chapter they teach you how to say “I would like a lawyer”. WTF?! All kinds of vivid scenarios began playing through my frightened mind wherein we would actually have need of a lawyer. I then frantically began rifling through the book to see if there was a chapter where they taught you things like, “I would like to request my own cell”, and “I get the top bunk”, and hey may as well learn to say, “I am NOT your bitch!” while I’m at it.

Wow I could go on and on but time to go. I’ll add in here though my “weigh in” that I owe and am behind on. I am thrilled to say that I have lost a totally of 2 inches off my waist and 2 off my hips! My goal was 3 for both so am almost there and I can’t say how happy I am that. I am starting to love my body again and feel more in shape and stronger every day. Yay me!

Channeling Elizabeth

Help! I’ve started shopping and I can’t stop! Yes me. Normally I dislike shopping. All that searching through racks of clothing, then trying on a ton of stuff only to find that none of it fits right, leaving me to feel like some sort of freak of nature. It would seem that I mysteriously fall in between sizes, the one being too big and the other being too small, like I’ve fallen in some sort of fashion size purgatory.

So anyway this all started when my sister came down last Saturday. We literally shopped almost non stop, only pausing to eat, drink and sleep. Oh and drive from store to store too. Park Royal Village, the Quay and Little India here, then the outlet mall across the border and finally Seattle. Gasp. We spent money like Elizabeth Taylor…she would be so proud. Now my sister left on Wednesday, but today I had to go and buy the new couch that I had spotted while we were shopping on Sunday. And YES I need a new one….BADLY! The one I have now is old, as in 15 years old and has seen the raising of three dogs and a boyfriend. NOT pretty! I’ll secretly admit that I love sleeping on it and only just recently forced myself back into my bed after two years away from it. See if I sleep in my bed I tend to roll onto my tummy which since my back injury is bad…very bad. On the couch I can put my feet up over the back and also can’t roll over onto my tummy which does wonders for my lower back, I actually wake up without pain. (Yes I have gotten to that age where even sleeping hurts) So I am having a small case of separation anxiety from my old couch friend but my new couch is so spiffy! Here it is but you have to picture it in sage green click here Now the pic makes it look small, but it’s actually about twice the size that you may be thinking. My sister and I fit in it together nicely. So cool huh? This is the great thing about being on your own without kids, you can buy funky things like this. Oh and the fabric is oh so soft. I can hardly wait to squirm my naked body all over it! Giddyup!

But I digress. As I was going to get the couch I noticed a sale of one of my fav lines of clothes and got totally sucked in. But at least I bought all things that I needed. Honest I did. But the shopping must come to an end as I have that little trip to save up for...that's in three months and YES I am starting to stress! But more on that another time.

My sister and I also had dinner with my buddy Jon again and had a great time. Went to Iver’s and the food was awesome! We had a lot of fun and I don’t think we terrorized him too too much. The next day we went to Kell’s which is close to Pike Place Market. It’s an Irish pub and if you’ve been keeping notes you’ll remember I had gone to the one in Portland. The food there is amazing and the owner, an incredibly charming older woman with the thick Irish brogue even came and chatted with us. Told us her soda bread recipe was from her grandmother who used to bake it at a road house she owned in Ireland. That bread was to die for!

So my sister gone and my livingroom is strewn with all my new purchases and baggage which I have yet to put away. But…it’s not going anywhere. (Unlike this fresh bottle of Lemon Hart over-proof rum –winks-)